The past weeks have been really tough. Battling with internal emotions, moments of isolation and perhaps most strikingly the feeling of an unhappy heart have led me to drop out of university. Saying this though, I look back in hindsight with a sense of grace and overwhelming gratitude.
In what seems to have felt like a relentless road of anxiety and bewilderment, the past weeks have taught me a lot about myself; my mindset attitude and perhaps even what I deem to be my purpose within this world have converted themselves completely. But it wasn’t straightforward allowing myself to be led into a blanket of uncertainty like this. It took strength and courage to allow myself to decide what was best for me in those moments.
For most of my life, I feel that I have been easily swayed by the opinions of others and I suppose I never really thought deeply enough about what I actually wanted out of my life. Constantly jumping through hoops trying to conform and settle to lead a ‘normal’ life all the while, convincing myself that I was still achieving what I wanted and blindly going ahead without questioning myself.
Have you ever been forced to think why you are doing something? Knowing how routine our lives can be sometimes it can so easy to forget our purpose and why we actually choose to pursue certain things. Take drinking tea for example. I think that it would be fair to say that many people drink tea at the same time every day. (I know what you’re thinking but just go with me on this one). Why? You ask. Who knows, maybe it is just how they have decided to fit in a perceived ’necessary’ task around the schedule of their day.
There is often no real reason why we do things exactly to a routine other than it is something that we are accustomed to and that makes us feel safe and comfortable. That was how I felt my life was going. Totally planned and organised the way I wanted it to be, and from that, I simply expected my goals to in a similar ‘fall in my lap’ if you will, because I told myself I was doing the right things by following this adopted longterm routine (life plan).
But as I’m sure many already know, in as few words as possible: life is not easy, nor planned, nor forgiving. You truly have to fight for what you desire, even whether that involve taking unconventional (and often uncomfortable) steps to get there.
So that is what I have come to realise. Nothing is really straightforward and well, even those who seem to have everything sorted well and truly don’t. Everyone’s path is unique and individual and so one person’s story may not represent a reflection of how yours should be.
I suppose the most important thing is to always listen to your heart (as cliche as it sounds) and know that as long as you are focused in the present moment and are more concerned with making the most of living right now, in this moment, then you honestly have nothing to worry about. Just have faith in yourself and trust that you will be led onto the right path. You WILL get there, just don’t put an exact timestamp on when. Life is a bundle of surprises; you’ve got to be ready to adapt.